Thought for the Day

I'm a fan of those little daily meditation books, the ones with a thought for the day. I'd love to have a sitting meditation practice, but not enough to actually have one. The daily readings, though, I can handle. I borrowed some of my sister's meditation books until she wants them back, including one called, "A Woman's Spirit." Sounds hokey but I really like it. Today's thought for the day included this sentiment:

"One of our worst fears was that we didn't belong. Trying to look like, act like, and think like other women - these actions made us feel safe, inconspicuous. That we were trapped by our fears never dawned on us."

These thoughts deeply capture a large portion of my life. I have spent years watching others for clues on how to respond. This helped me develop the skills that make me a great counselor and social worker, but also made me feel insecure and manipulate others in response. Over the past few years, however, I have become more accepting of myself and more authentic to that self as a result.

I also feel that this thought for the day isn't just a reflection of my individual experience, but of women in our culture as a whole. This is something I think many men, as the dominant culture, do not have to understand. (Just sayin'.) Women have to fit in with the standards for women, or face exclusion and acknowledgment. The fear of being the excluded one is what contributes to infighting among groups of women - pointing out other women's flaws and failings so no one notices our own. It is no surprise that many women, especially adolescents, prefer the company of their male peers. I definitely used that defense for a long time. When I met Brian and made a decision to commit to him, I knew I had to change who I socialized with, sort of like how it's easier to eat healthy if you don't buy junk food. I had to learn to be a woman among women, and that took time and energy and work - and continues to as well. Collaborating and connecting requires us to risk vulnerability, but the rewards (authenticity) are well worth it. Be courageous today - be yourself. If you find that you don't like yourself, you can always go back to being someone else's idea of yourself.

In closing, one person whose judgment I have feared for a long time is my little sister. It's something I'm still working on overcoming. Here's a picture of Catie, a sock, and me being my authentic crazy knitter self a few years ago, despite what Catie obviously thinks of me. It still makes me laugh now, because I can love who I am no matter what anyone else thinks of me. Work in progress.

But, it's the most wonderful time of the year!

Put up my tree today!

 

I went light on the ornaments this year. I wasn't really feeling the ornaments I have, which are all in a traditional gold/red/green/frosted white scheme. I am wishing for robin's egg blue, plus gold and frosted white. Maybe next year? I also have a tree skirt and stocking my gramma sewed. Yay for Gramma! Also, do you see the tiny gray spindle ornament next to the bicycle ornament up top? My favorite.

I've been knitting baby booties lately, for an upcoming baby shower. I really should be studying for the licensing exam I have to take next Thursday... eh, I'll get to it.

Cobblestone Sweater

I love things that match or go together. I love clever patterns and interlocking things - its just how my brain works. I make things relate to other things, and it's off to the races. See if you can follow me on this one.

Last July, I participated in the Tour de Fleece, a yarn-spinning challenge that takes place during the Tour de France (which is sort of like the NCAA Final Four at our house). I spun A. Lot. Of. Yarn.  (almost 2 pounds!)

 

The color was called "Champagne" but it's also the Tour de France colors. When I saw the pattern for the  Cobblestone Pullover, I knew I had to make my own Paris-Roubaix sweater in honor of the very difficult Tour stage notorious for it's cobblestone streets. (It's also a separate race in the springtime, but whatever. It's my sweater, I can name it whatever the hell I want).

 

This sweater turned out great. The only modification was to knit a split hem so I didn't have to add any waist shaping. This was my second NaKniSweMo sweater, and it was knit in two weeks (exactly). This sweater is lightweight but very warm, and it's lovely to wear something that shows off my handspun. Hooray!

Food choices and vegan manicotti

In October of 2008, I read the now-notorious Skinny Bitch book. I didn't care for the tone of the book, but the scientific evidence advocating a diet free of animal products interested me. I decided to try to reduce animal products from my diet in a very serious way, and after sharing what I learned with Brian, he agreed to give it a try as well.  We had several "whoops" moments, and serious cravings to work though, but after 2 years I can say it has been an excellent decision. Now, I eat a plant-based diet with occasional small amounts of seafood and eggs. I'm not militant about it, but mindful.

One of the biggest changes this choice required was cooking from scratch. I'm embarrassed to say that the first year Brian and I lived together we ate a lot of Tuna Helper and Hamburger [Venison] Helper. Blechh. No wonder I gained 30 pounds! I relied on convenience foods high in fat, calories, and sodium, and low in nutritional value. Now I cook from scratch much of the time, and in March of this year I began calculating calorie content per serving. People unfamiliar with vegetarianism and veganism always ask me what I eat, and I eat most things others do, with small changes and more variety. I can make most any thing I want, and make it fit my nutritional choices (although I try not to rely on pre-packaged meat substitutes). I even made a mock-Hamburger Helper skillet meal because I was craving the taco flavor one. 

Tonight, I decided to make a family favorite with a twist. I loved my mom's manicotti as a kid. It was something she didn't make often because it took a lot of time, so I appreciated it a lot more when we had it. By combining her recipe with some tested-and-true vegan recipes, I was able to whip up an awesome supper. I started with the filling:

Vegan Spinach-"Ricotta" Filling (based on the Vegan With A Vengeance recipe)
2 boxes Mori-Nu Silken Tofu
2 tsp lemon juice
3 cloves of garlic, minced
2 tsp olive oil
1/4 c. nutritional yeast
2 handfuls of fresh spinach, coarsely chopped
1/2 cup soy mozzarella-substitute cheeze
garlic salt, pepper, and your favorite Italian seasonings (basil, oregano, rosemary, thyme, etc.)

Mash up the tofu with a fork, add the remaining ingredients and mix. All ready for your favorite recipes, like lasagna, baked ziti, stuffed shells, or even as a pizza topping.

Yummy!

 To assemble, I poured a little sauce in the bottom of a 9x13 pan (I use Hunt's No Sugar Added. It's cheap, and no HFCS). I next stuffed cooked manicotti noodles with my "ricotta" and placed them in the pan, sprinkled them with the remaining soy cheeze (from the 1/2 c. used in the "ricotta" filling), and poured the rest of the sauce over the top. I sprinkled some vegan Parmesan over the top because my mom always did. Bake at 350 for 45 minutes-1 hour, and ta-da!

I wish you could smell how awesome this is!

Made this way, there are 11 individual manicottis in this pan, at 175 calories each. It's cooling on the counter now while I'm waiting for Brian to come home. I'll probably have two tubes and a spinach salad with Italian dressing. Then I have to go back to bed, in advance of an overnight shift tonight. Have a great Saturday night, everyone!

Drive-By Posting

My past two weeks have been hectic, as I was asked to fill in full-time at my workplace for someone who is out for health issues. So I have been very busy, and when I wasn't busy I was on call! My knitting has been suffering, but I managed to bang out the sleeves for my handspun Cobblestone sweater (I'm thinking of calling it my Paris-Roubaix sweater, since I spun the yarn during the Tour de Fleece last summer). I even joined the whole thing together, and am up to the yoke now:

I'm hoping to get lots more done - because in addition to my fill-in position, I have to work my own overnight shifts this weekend. I was pretty disappointed that no one was willing/able to cover for me, but it's all overtime, so my Christmas will be a little more merry with that paycheck.

Brian and I made these awesome pumpkin shakes last night and watched some Warehouse 13. I really love that show, and reccomend it highly if you were an X-Files fan back in the day, like me. Here's a shot of our yummy shakes:

Super easy! A pint of vanilla soy ice cream, a cup and a half of frozen pumpkin, and enough soy milk to make it creamy. At first I thought I should have added sugar, but it really doesn't need it. I garnished mine with nutmeg and a vegan gingerbread roll-out cookie. (It's supposed to be a star!) Yum, we will be making these again! The calorie load, though... eek. It's a milkshake, though, so what do I expect?!?

Stay warm and knit fast, friends. By the way, what are you making for Thanksgiving?

Soup on a snowy day

We had a little bit of snow in central MN yesterday. I hear that the Twin Cities fared much worse than our inch or so, much of which melted. It was still slushy and cold enough to get me thinking about soup. I had a trusty can of coconut milk lurking in the pantry and set out googling to find a Thai soup recipe. Using this Tom Yum recipe as a guideline, I whipped up a decent, low-calorie supper.

 

 So, here we have diced carrots, onions, garlic, and ginger, also some pre-chopped broccoli, and bok choy and tofu. I sauteed the veggies in wok oil, a garlic-spiced sesame oil. I didn't have any lemongrass, so I added lime juice for the sour, as well as soy sauce for salty, sriracha for the spicy, and 2 tablespoons of sugar for sweet, to hit all the notes of Thai cooking. I also added about a cup of cooked wide rice noodles to thicken things up.

Garnished with cilantro, this bowl clocked in at 225 calories. Brian added way too much sriracha to his bowl and ended up sweating and blowing his nose. Ya gotta be careful with that stuff, right?





This morning I made waffles from my trusty Joy of Cooking, given to me by my uncle Bill when I graduated high school. It has certainly served me well, especially his inscription in the front: "The secret to good soup is layers... think about it!". If you don't have one, buy it now!

Bright Day Handspun

You may not know this, but I am so into knitting that I make my own yarn. Yeah, I fell down the rabbit hole into spinning almost two years ago when I received a Louet S10 for a wedding present from my awesome family. (Don't worry, they gave Brian $50 for putting up with me!). Last summer, Brian also bought me a Hitchhiker travelling spinning wheel. Here are my babies:

Pretty cute, huh?

My mom gave me this beautiful Spincerely Yours Superwash BFL for Christmas back in 2008, in the color "Bright Day". Bright green and fall shades were the colors used in our wedding planning, so it is a really neat colorway to me.

At the St. Cloud Knitter's retreat at the end of October, I spun it up into 149 yds of worsted-weight n-ply. It looks great with another handspun yarn from my stash, in a bright green:

I'm thinking hat and mittens!

Nannerversary

So, it's a special day at the Destroyers'* household today. Seven years ago this evening, we had our first date. And two years ago today, we got married!

It's been quite a time - I was 19 and working at the Java Joint, and had just made some SERIOUS life changes. He was 22, worked at Dairy Queen, and had just gotten his drivers' license.

Seriously, we dressed like this every day. I have people who can vouch for this.

Then I worked in a miserable factory for a year, going to bed at 8:30 and getting up at 4:45 in the morning. Brian got his first job at a bike shop. Then I decided to go to college, and we were apart for 5 months before Brian moved in with me in Crookston, MN (population: 8,000). Brian busted his ass to make ends meet while I completed my bachelor's degree in social work. I was able to take 18-22 credits every semester because I knew Brian had my back (and he hated living in ND!).

Winnipeg Skate Park

Snugglers

Our engagement photo!

On a snowy New Year's Eve Eve (December 30, 2006), I told Mr. Hotpants that I couldn't start a new year without knowing he would be my husband. He said yes! (and offered me a ring 6 months later).

We moved to Duluth in 2008 for my master's in social work. A few months later, we got married on a cold (32 degree) day at Grand Superior Lodge in Castle Danger, MN!

You bet your ass I knitted a shawl. November in MN is cold, sukka!

The past two years have seen more changes - a serious injury, surgery, and recovery for Brian, finishing my master's, moving to St. Cloud, getting a decent job and then getting laid off, going BACK to school... what will come next?!?!

Brian continues to be an amazing partner, best friend, and sweetheart. I was thinking the other day about how when my mom was born, marriage was an instrument for the oppression of women. (Seriously, this is the shit I think about in my down time.) And how women like my gramma, my mom, and others helped recreate and redefine marriage in a way that allows for equality in labor and in love for men and women in marriage. Because of their efforts, I can make choices about working inside and outside the home, control conception, maintain my own finances, and have a say in joint decision-making. While we've come a long way, marriage continues to be a tool to discriminate against lesbians and gay men and there's more work to be done in that arena so that all Americans have the right to have their love recognized as legitimate and valued.

I am proud to be able to co-define what our marriage is and will be, and who I am in that relationship. I am honored to be a partner to Brian Husbeast Hotpants, and I think we ROCK!

Here's to many more years with the one I love. Happy nannerversary, lovebug!



*Destroyers was one of the last names we considered when we got married, because neither of us wanted to change our names to each others' last name. We ended up keeping our own names!

P.S. I finished my NaKniSweMo sweater #1!!! Wahoo!

Happy Birthday Nancy Bush!!!

Today I would like to wish a warm happy birthday to Nancy Bush, an esteemed knitter and designer. Ms. Bush is the author of many awesome pattern books, as well as a frequent contributor to knitting pattern magazines. She is honest-to-goodness, my favorite sock designer. I thought I'd put together a mosaic of the many socks I've knit from her designs:

As you can see, she is an amazing designer and I absolutely love her stuff. So happy birthday, Nancy Bush, and many more to come!

(If you would like more details about these sock patterns, please visit my Ravelry projects page and search "Nancy Bush", or leave your question in the comments. Thank you!)

New coat... decisions, decisions

I shrank out of all my coats from last winter. I had this great green peacoat, a posh red peacoat, and a fun pink/brown plaid coat, and none of them fit. So I sold them to my friends - that's one thing about me, never be afraid to make me an offer. I get bored easily and I do love money because then I can get new things. But I digress.

Thanks to an online coupon code from Cindy LouWho (Ravelry link), I was able to score this cute wool-blend jacket from Old Navy for under $40!

 It is a little short, but I'm not exactly the outdoor athletic type so I'm not worried. It has a zipper and toggles, and I like the deep hood. But now, I require new knitwear. I went stash diving and came up with some potentials:

500 yds of farmstand alpaca, plus an already-knit slouchy hat

Cascade 220 - charcoal and white

The ones on the left match perfectly (and I LOVE matching) but the charcoal skein is kind of already purchased for a xmas present. And its not alpaca. The selections on the right don't match perfectly, but they are alpaca. And I have a lot of it, it was a gift from BFF Katie S., so it's pretty special and would see lots of use. Now, which one to choose? Or should I just buy new yarn?

NaKniSweMo Update:
I finished the first sleeve of the Cobblestone Sweater (link to my project page on Ravelry) yesterday morning, and finished the body last night. I joined that sleeve to the body, and started the cuff of the second sleeve. It's coming along!

Restlessness

It will three weeks tomorrow since my internship ended at Journey Home. I miss it terribly. It's strange to have spend so much of my life being extraordinarily industrious, and now to be at rest. I have a job opportunity in the new year that I believe is worth waiting for, and my partner and I believe we are financially able to wait for... but I really suck at waiting. Its just so weird, after going to work full-time at 16 years old, working two and three jobs for years while in college, completing my bachelor's and master's degrees in only 4 years (total combined!), to now waking up whenever I please and knitting all day. I'm concerned my brain may start to cannibalize itself, or I may start accosting strangers at the YMCA and offering pro bono psychosocial assessments.

I need to get better at resting and being at peace. I actually meditated for 5 minutes today. Ugh, you can tell I'm getting desperate, huh? Suggestions?

Edited to add: I just read my horoscope for the week:
"This is a very trying time when doubt is cast on your most cherished ideals and lofty dreams. If you are a religious person, you may have the sobering realization of inconsistencies in your spiritual philosophy or hypocrisies within the church. Doubts about your spiritual path can bring you to a crisis and a crossroads in your thinking and attitude towards life. If you have not been taking a strong interest in metaphysical or spiritual areas, you may have a crisis regarding charitable activities or social and political ideals. Additionally, it is common for this astrological influence to bring about a general feeling of discontent with life, lack of motivation and energy, or negative attitudes and moods, without any apparent cause."

Shit...

Cloudy Sunday

A new sweater to show off, just off the needles!

 

 I really need to ask my photogs to stand while taking pics of me... anyway.
Pattern: Cloudy Sunday
Yarn: Debbie Stoller Stitch Nation Full O' Sheep in "Passionfruit", 6 skeins
Needles: Size 10 and 10.5
Timeline: Oct 19-Nov 1, 2010 - would have been a lot faster if I just buckled down and knit the giant cowl, but I really procrastinated around it.

Project cost: $32 (SOOPER cheap!)



The band Brian is in, Albuterol, played a show Sunday night at the White Horse, downtown St. Cloud. The scene was pretty dead, as was our look. Brian went with the classic skull face, where I opted for a more festive El Dia de Los Muertos style. Brian did an incredible job on my make-up.

 

I had a decent time, and loved my costume. Thanks to all the homies who came out! I also started my NaKniSweMo sweater, but I'm now planning to knit two... one is sooperdoopertopseekretsquirrel, so no pics 'til after Christmas. Sorry. 

Epic Retreat

Back in August, Audrey of the St. Cloud Knitters group suggested we all take a class together with Sharon, the fiber artist behind Three Irish Girls. After Audrey got it all set up for us, Sharon M (of our knitting group) suggested we make a weekend out of it and stay overnight in Duluth. Well, I got back from the retreat last night and it was totally amazing! Lots of pics over on Flickr, but here's a few special selections:

 Here's 3IG Sharon and I - she even made us pumpkin bread and brownies! What an awesome teacher, artist, and hostess.

Audrey and I - she has been working on a CRAZY project at work and still was able to coordinate the class with Sharon for us. Thank you!

Three Irish Girls studio - the "yarn graveyard" of less-than-perfect skeins

The class was excellent. It was all about how to use hand-painted yarns to get the effect you want. We even did some swatching to identify in the wild the dreaded "pooling" effect.

SWATCH!!!! No pooling here.

One of the things that made the retreat so awesome is that we have an amazing group of knitters that all went. I love our knitting group!

Staying up late Friday night at the hotel - Sarah K and Rachel

Kelly and me - duck lips!

Lisa, Sarah K, & Cathi

 We even ventured up the shore for some yarn shopping. I came home with something special from Three Irish Girls -

This is far from my usual colors, but this one of a kind colorway called Castle Danger could not be passed up. I married Husbeast Hotpants at the Grand Superior Lodge in Castle Danger, MN on November 8, 2008. Awww!

Enough of this mushy stuff, I hope you're getting your sticks and string ready for the start of NaKniSweMo tomorrow!

Happy Birthday Katie!!!

A very happy golden birthday to my BFF Katie, who continues to amaze and inspire. You are the bestestest!!!!

 

(pic from the Albuterol basement show)

10 for a Tuesday

10 words I like:

1) loquacious
2) elongate
3) resonate
4) scandalous
5) flabbergasted
6) phantasmagorical
7) repudiate
8) depreciate/denigrate
9) luscious
10) verdant

What makes your list? Share in the comments, please!